Remembering Monisha!

Yesterday while scrolling through TV channels, i happened to see the movie 'Adhipan' being aired in Kiran TV. I needn't get in detail about the movie as it is not the topic of discussion here. The movie really took me back to the memories of a fine actress called Monisha Unni (Monisha). Coincidentally, its her 18th death anniversary tomorrow. 

Recently i happened to read an article by one Bala Menon which tells us about life of Sreedevi Unni(her mother) after her death and the last few moments of Monisha's life. I am sure all her fans&film lovers will get disturbed after reading this, just because many still hesitate to accept her death. I am not going to get in detail about that as i am a great fan of her too. No one will ever forget 'Gouri' of 'Nakhashathangal', which introduced her to the film world. It bagged her the National Film Award for the best actress, the youngest recipient for that and the only actress to receive this award for debut film. The very first scene which comes to my memory when i think about her is the famous song 'Manjal Prasadavum Nettiyil Charthi' written by ONV Kurup..i think everyone shares the same memory:)..She went on to act in about 20 more films which included Tamil and Kannada movies. The characters in Perumthachan and Kamaladalam really proved her acting talent. It's known to everyone that she was an exceptional dancer, had her first stage performance at an age of 9 and went on to win many awards for Bharatanatyam and all. Her dancing talent was well used in Kamaladalam directed by Sibi Malayil. How can we ever forget that movie which showcased the brilliant performances of Mohanal and Monisha? The role of 'Kunhikkavu Thamburatti' in Perumthachan was the strongest character of her career. She had a divine look in that film:)..Still everyone remembers almost every character portrayed by her. I love her song sequences in movies like Aryan and Kudumbasametham!

I always feel that the song 'Manjal Prasadavum' was written about her. Till now i haven't seen an actress with such grace in our film industry..To me she was the face of Kerala woman. A very talented actor,dancer with a lot of innocence,genuine charm and delightful smile on her face always! Her face always had the innocent expression, which always reflected in her characters too. December 5,1992 will be always remembered as a black day for the cultural society of Kerala, the day which left the film lovers in immense pain . She joined the list of artists like Jayan, Shobha etc who left us when their career was at the peak. 'Nrithyavedi', an organisation founded by Sreedevi Unni in 1979 was renmaned to 'Monisha Arts' in memory of her, which provides a good platform to many young artists. It's not essential that it has to be December 5 for us to remember her as she still lives in all our hearts. While seeing her mother acting in movies these days, we just wish that she was alive..she left us leaving a lot of great characters behind. Perhaps she would have been the best actor in India by now, that much talent she possessed. It's sheer coincidence that December 5,1992 happened to be a Saturday and i am publishing this blog on another Saturday! will live in our hearts forever!I dedicate this writeup in memory of this great actress and a mother who came back strongly to life after suffering so much from fate's cruelty. 


The Art of Creativity

What all you people notice when you see a movie?? Definitely the first priority goes to the actress, then the actor, songs and so on..and i am no different:)..It’s indeed true that our audience are really good at analyzing the technical side of the movie, especially about the visualization. In fact, India has got a bunch of exceptionally talented cinematographers and photographers. But for sometime, a new trend has been wavering across Kerala. Yes, I am talking about ‘Photography’, the new passion for our youngsters these days.

Hari Menon
It requires a lot of effort and dedication to convert this passion into a profession, especially this field being very competitive. Some of the best examples being people like Hari Menon, Jayesh Mohan, Ajay Menon etc. Infact, I was lucky enough to meet some of the eminent photographers in Kerala. Photography is a very interesting field to be in, but very competitive too. 

Jayesh Mohan
Ajay Menon
“You don't take a photograph, you make it”..a very famous quote by photographer Ansel Adams. This quote turns so meaningful when you see the photographs taken by these people. Hari Menon is a pure class when it comes to creativity. He has even produced some exceptional photographs from some situations which we never notice in life. Being a traveller, he has almost covered every part of India with his creative photography. Some of his photos leaves us spellbound for sure. In fact, I am a great fan of Hari as his photography continues to encourage more and more people into this field. Jayesh Mohan happens to be a close friend of mine. A very jovial person who came into the field of photography after studying animation(no relation between these two) and turned successful with his hardwork. He is a famous name among the Cochin photographers who specialises well in Fashion and Wildlife photography. He is a great fan of rock music and works as a vocalist in a Ernakulam based band. There is an album called ‘The Jayesh Mohan Way’ in his Facebook profile which clearly proves that all the photographs has got a typical 'Jayesh' touch:)..Ajay Menon also continues to amaze us with his photographs. He takes photography in another perspective, a bit different from the others. I love the way he photographs people, which has got unusual depth and meaning every time. The common factor among the three is that they reached these heights with their own effort and hard work. Their works are the best references for everyone who is new to this field. We can't forget the works of senior photographers like Rajan Paul Sir(truly splendid), Anil Kumar Sir etc. 

A recent snap from Jayesh Mohan..Simply outstanding!

As i said, many youngsters are now aspiring to become photographers. It will be ungrateful if i forget to mention about my friends Nidhin Radhakrishnan, Sunil Karthikeyan, Ashwin Koushan, Manu Manohar, Vishnu Raghav, Ananthu Ganesh etcwho are exceptionally talented. Not to forget people like Munz, Vishnu Prabhakar etc. Nidhin completed diploma in photography and is now moving around Kerala with his Nikon D50. His photos are very creative, some leaves us with a haunted impression, and is really blessed to have received comments from senior photographers like Rajan Paul Sir. I hope soon he will be among the top photographer's of Kerala. Manu and Ananthu are some of the budding photographers from Trivandrum, who are gaining popularity with their awesome clicks. Hope they will be soon among the top. The growth of social network has really helped everyone in promoting their works(all of them owns a fan page in Facebook). 

One of my favorites from Nidhin:)

As for me, i was too passionate about about photography from my childhood. My dad was a photographer, which really made me close to film cameras and lenses. After he quit this career my interest got lost too. But as the time came, the interest gradually came back to me. Now i am very much interested in this field as many are inspiring me to get creative. Some people thinks that owning a DSLR makes them a good photographer. As many are buying these DSLR and publishing photos as they like, the genuine essence of photography is lost at times. Please don't spoil the class of this great media.. Do creative and innovative works, and make photography as a language to communicate in the coming years! 
Palakkad..Photo by my friend Manu Manohar!

Night is always young at Kovalam..Ananthu Photography:)

"When you photograph people in colour you photograph their clothes.  But when you photograph people in B&W, you photograph their souls" ~ Ted Grant
(PS: This is my view on photography and the photographers of Kerala. There are many more talented photographers in Kerala and other parts of India. I wrote this with best of my knowledge. And i do remember and respect the senior photographers even though i haven't mentioned much about them. Do feel free to comment what you think of this writeup. Thanks:)) 



Recently i came across a blog called 'The dragonflies still flutter' written by director Anjali Menon(Kerala Cafe- Happy Journey). The blog was about the Padmarajan and his movie 'Deshadanakilikal Karayaarilla', but i loved one thing she clearly stated, that she was influenced by inspiring regional filmmakers than European filmmakers. She was clearly referring to Padmarajan when she said this to French audience, but the foreign audience were more familiar with Satyajit Ray, Adoor Gopalakrishnan etc. I strongly agree to this point as my interest for film direction was always inspired by Malayalam movies and directors like Padmarajan, Bharathan etc. Sadly we those these legends very soon and their successors were not apt take their place in the industry. The only directors who made their presence felt were Jayaraj, Kamal, Sathyan Anthikad, Ranjith, Blessy (his first two films) etc. Among these, Ranjith clearly deserves a special place. Recently only i went through his career in detail and realized it was too late to write about the versatile artist of our industry.

He is more familiar to us as a writer than a director/producer/actor. And the writer in him is the most impressive part, mostly of the strength and versatility of the stories he presents us. I am not going to give a detailed report or analysis about his films as it will be too boring and injustice to that writer, just want to discuss my favorites with you all. His career graph was never steady as even some of his beautiful scripts turned out to be flops. He started his career as the story writer of  'Oru Maymasa Pulariyil' which had Ashokan and Shari in the lead and the movie turned out to be an average hit. In the next 3 years he wrote script for 8 films and even tried writing dialogues in 'Peruvannapurathe Visheshangal' (directed by Kamal) which turned out to be a super hit. But all other films turned out to be flops/average, but believe me all of them were good films. I was very much impressed by 'Orkkapurathu' (Kamal movie), which had Mohanlal, Nedumudi Venu and Ramya Krishnan in the lead roles. The film beautifully depicted the relation between a father and son who does many adventures to get back some of their lost possessions. Interestingly, Jayaram was the lead actor in most of his films and presented him some versatile characters. His collaboration with Kamal produced some touching films for us such as 'Pookkalam Varavayi', 'Krishnagudiyil oru Pranayakalathu', 'Shubayatra', 'Nanma Niranjavan Sreenivasan' etc. Krishnagudi still remains as one of the most touching films in everyone's heart and a movie with such a wonderful climax.

The year 1993 turned out to be the turning point of his life when the movie 'Devasuram' was released. It still remains as one of the best films in Malayalam. The protagonist 'Mangalassery Neelakandan' still remains as an inspiring character for everyone. No wonder why this movie has still got a high viewer rating, and the movie was inspired from a real life character called Mullassery Rajagopal who was so close to him. One of the most disappointing incident of his life will be the failure of 'Mayamayooram' directed by Sibi Malayil. The film was really an exceptional one, but failed to impress the audience even with a beautiful script, wonderful acting acting from Mohanlal and Revathy and Sibi's direction. I often feel that our audience fails terribly at times to understand good films. Later on he went on to script some action films which all performed poorly in the box office. His career was on a low until Krishnagudi got released. But from 1997-2000, his was at the peak of his career as all the films turned out to be super hits. Among that my favorites are Krishnagudi, Aaram Thampuran and Summer in Bethlahem. Aaram Thampuran gave one of the best characters to Mohanlal, and the character name 'Jagannathan' was used to name many babies afterwards. Summer in Bethlahem was a beautiful film which took us through funny moments, emotional attachments (especially the ending scenes) and still left us thinking which of the five girls loved Jayaram (still that's a secret). The movies Usthad, Narasimham and Valleyattan were pure commercial entertainers which turned out to be blockbusters. But i loved the way Ranjith brought in the family bond elements in all the movies, especially the brother-sister attachment in Usthad.  

The year 2001 saw his first directorial venture 'Ravanaprabhu', which was the sequel to Devasuram. As expected it was a super hit, still i love the film for it's punch dialogues. But his second film was the one which impressed everyone, of course all know the movie called 'Nandanam'. A movie which presented us a beautiful love story..depicted the closeness of a girl towards Lord Krishna..the movie was indeed divine. It marked the debut of actor Prithviraj, presented Navya the role of her career and this film will be always remembered for it's touching story and climax. This was followed by 'Mizhi Randilum' which i really liked, but didn't click much in the box office. It was a nice movie and the entire cast performed well, especially loved Indrajith's role. 'Black'  was a movie with a difference and style. The failure of 'Chandrolsavam' really hurted me a lot. Frankly saying, i loved that movie very much. The way he dealt with the story, the love, the friendship..and the dialogues in the movie were the best! By that movie i became one of his greatest fans. I regret for watching the movie 'Kaiyoppu' very late, as i found that movie was a exceptional one which really discussed the problems of people in different sectors. Sadly that was movie went unnoticed among us, it's really shame on the audience who are said to be the best in India. The same was the case with 'Paleri Manikyam: Oru Pathira Kolapathakathinte Kadha', which was the best movie i saw in some years. A movie which took back to the golden days of Malayalam Cinema, which remembered us of geniuses like Padmarajan, Bharathan etc. The screenplay by Ranjith was the key to that movie! I am not getting into the recent controversies surrounding this movie, but if anyone have done anything to strip this movie of any honors which it should have got, then they deserve no apology..they are the true villains of the industry. 'Thirakkatha' was a serious movie which was inspired from the late actress Srividya's life. That movie was a relief for him after the failures of some previous movies. Here too i was impressed by his script and had a climax which left the audience thinking about the movie for a long long time. 

'Kerala Cafe' was a brave experimentation from this man, who collaborated with ten other directors to produce a nice movie for us. The film really conveyed that even a 15 minute short film can express a story in the best way. His recent film 'Pranchiyettan and the Saint' is unarguably one of the best films of the year. I already saw it two times, doesn't mind seeing it again. It's one of the best roles of Mammooty in recent time, but here too the real hero is his script. Only he can think about a concept where a man gets to share his experiences with a saint and finally gets solutions to many issues in his life. In these years he also did movies like Prajapathi, Rock n Roll, Ammakilikoodu,Nasrani&Penpattanam (as writer), but lacked the typical Ranjith 'touch'. All his movies were scripted by him and music had importance in all his films. He even acted in movies like Gulmohar, Thirakkatha and Ezuthapurangal, which were impressive too. He is always noted for his tremendous voice, which many directors uses for their movie introduction. I think Ranjith is the only person who can do films which the people are dying to see. Wat ever is it, his scripts will be remembered throughout. My personal favorites are Orkkapurathu, Devasuram, Mayamayooram, Krishnagudiyil Oru Pranayakalathu, Nandanam, Kaiyoppu, Chandrolsavam, Thirakkatha, Paleri Manikyam etc. Hope he make more and more wonders with his scripts and films!

(PS: This is my personal write up about Ranjith. I haven't mentioned about many movies he wrote or didn't mention much about some of his films. This writing is based on my favorites and many will have different opinions. Many will be finding the other movies interesting, Feel free to post your comments and views, and fans don't feel offended by my blog:))


Celebrating an Year of Joy!!!

October 21 will always remain as a very special day as it brought the winds of change to my life. I almost gave up writing after 12th standard, or the apt usage will be 'the engineering subjects taught me to hate writing'. But our life changes in a matter of seconds and my case was not different. When i got in for short story writing competition for Nimantra' 09, i never thought i would be able to write at least a line about the subject. But coincidentally i got the first prize for that. Still i wonder how i got that, maybe due to the blessings of the great Padmarajan Sir..I used the names of many famous characters created by this genius:)..It was really a confidence booster for me. But it really needs an encouragement to move forward, that was given by my friend/editor Lakshmi P Gopal.

Seeing one of my friends blog, i started blogging too. Started just for fun, but later it became really serious. I got great responses from my friends and many others and that encouraged me to keep on writing. The response got quite good when i started writing stories, which included the incidents from my life too. All my blogs are special to me but a few remains very close to my heart..Thoovanathumbikal, January's loss, Cloud 10 and Days in Heaven (especially the last part)! Writing was a passion for me, but now it seems like it will turn out be my profession..hope everything will work out:)..It gives a great pleasure when you find comfort and happiness in what you do, and i think engineering is not my cup of tea (this is a point that everyone should think of..please do what you heart desires and not what others say!). I love to thank many in this note like Lakshmi, Divya, Shamin, Karnnan, Sid, Monu, Deepal, Anoop, Vishnu, Megha, Shabnam, Karthika, Ganga, Aparna, Gouri etc and all my dear friends and readers for their encouragement and never ending support:)..Hope to entertain you in future with more and more blogs..Thanks to almighty!!!


The boy next door!

SCT college is most famous for its extra curricular activities. This college has always produced some great heroes, especially in the field of sports,arts and even fights. To be frank, I admired many of my seniors due to their heroics. I am not mentioning all their names here as it will end up as a long list and a boring blog. I want to talk about a person who influenced my life a lot in some other ways.

Loved one's call him 'Sreeku'. In college, he is also famous as 'keedam':)..Many of you won't be knowing his original name..Yes, I am talking about the same 'Sreejith' who studied in 2009 Mechanical batch. As i write this don't misunderstand that he was a college hero or 'gunda' something. For some of us he was a great friend,brother,senior,guide etc. We became good friends almost at the end of his final year and still we continue as very good friends. What i admire the most in him is the sincereity towards his friends or anyone close to him. He has got a great helping mentality and always says once he gets settled, he will help his friends too. He is a passionate football player too, one of the main persons responsible for the development of the SCT football team, and still holds the love and the passion for the team. Extremely proud to say that we both are great fans of Liverpool FC:)

A person who had a lot of bitter experiences in life, but still he remained strong. Life had haunted him in many ways, but he haunted it back because he never wanted to lose. I should say he is a person with vast experiences in life. He is a passionate lover! He should be called as a 'True Lover', he really deserves it. A very friendly,down to earth person! He always loves to be with his friends and have fun all the time. He is one of the funniest guys I have ever seen, and be careful while talking to him. He always had a boy next door image in college, may be because of the way he talks with people or his attitude towards them. He still keeps contacts with many of the juniors in college and they all love him like anything. As I said at the start, he never tried to become a college hero or Casanova. He really showed positive attitude in his life, never got depressed at his bad times, battled life to move forward. I think many of the youngsters should have his attitude. He is one of the best personalities I have ever seen in my life. Now he is preparing for his post graduation. Sreeku, I wish you the very best in your life and career. Be the same always, may god bless you!


Dream Girl!

Hema Malini is regarded as the 'Dream Girl' of Indian Cinema. I don't disagree with it, but has a point to make here. For all Malayalam movie fans, the dream girl will be certainly another actress. An actress who came and conquered the hearts of many people with her charming eyes and sexy body..One of the beautiful actress that Indian film industry has ever seen..She is our own Sumalatha..Or Kerala's own Clara!

She acted in Malayalam,Telugu,Kannada and Hindi. But it was her roles in malayalam movies that made her famous, and she is still remembered for that beautiful roles. It's indeed a great honour to be famous in the name of character that you did. Many won't get that chance, but she is lucky enough to be still known as "Clara". Thoovanathumbikal is regarded as her best movie till date. Her roles in Nirakoottu,New Delhi and Thazhvaaram made her one of the leading actresses in malayalam. She acted in more than 40 malayalam films. She is lucky to have worked with many legends like Padmarajan,Bharathan etc. It was quite unfortunate that she took a break from film field at her peak time. It was a great loss for malayalam movies and movie fans.

No one has ever portrayed the role of a sex worker this beautifully. Jayakrishnan and Clara remains as one of the best pairs that malayalam film industry has ever witnessed. Now too their romance and dialogues are famous among the youth. She has played many other strong characters too, which is still remembered by everyone. For me Clara is the best role of her till date and that character defines the title of this role. Many will be now thinking about the relevance of this blog now...This is just a dedication to an actress whom I admire so much for her beauty and acting. I like to be born again as Jayakrishnan and marry Clara...And we live as the 'butterflies of the spraying rain'!


January's Loss

Talking about January's loss,just one person comes to my mind..Maybe everyone will be thinking of this person who left us 19 years back..The celestial lover of Malayalam Cinema..A man who gifted us a lot of classic films,which will remain as classics forever!He was the best..The great Mr Padmarajan..Our own pappettan!

I am no one to comment or analyse his films..People loved his films, that's why still they are watched again and again! I am a movie freak..But I developed the passion for film direction after seeing his films. The way he crafted his films made him exceptional from the others..He easily handled complex subjects! One such movie was 'Thoovanathumbikal'..It remains as my ever favourite movie, in fact one of the best movie malayalam film industry has ever seen. The way he told the love betwen Jayakrishnan and Clara..The rain scenes..I think Jayakrishnan and Clara were one of the best characters in malayalam movies!I haven't seen all the 18 movies directed by pappettan..But I will mention some of his movies which influenced me..Ofcourse the first among them is Thoovanathumbikal..Then Moonampakkam,Innale,Namukku Paarkkan Munthirithoppukal,Koodevide,Kaanamarayathu(His script)!Still I have many more movies to watch&I am eagerly waiting for it!

Pappettan really gave us some exceptional scenes which we will never forget in our life..Like the climax scene of 'Innale',where Suresh Gopi leaves from Jayaram's home with intense pain..The bible scenes of 'Namukku Paarkkan Munthirithoppukal'..The climax scene of 'Moonampakkam'..In 'Thoovanathumbikal' every scene had it's own beauty&I think it's the best I have seen! The music and the locations of his films were very notable..I will go on writing if I start writing about his films! In a recent article his wife Radhalakshmi quoted "everyone loves the director in him..but he wanted to be known as a writer"! I am waiting for her new book in which we wil be able to know the writer in pappettan closely. Seeing the recent films,we realise the absence of directors like Padmarajan&Bharathan greatly..We lost a great personality..An incredible film maker& and a writer,which we didn't recognise well..The loss of pappettan is the loss of malayalam movies..The loss of good movies..A great loss for all actors..He really boosted many actors career with some incredible characters! But he left us after giving some exceptional movies,which still remains as the best..Pappetta,you are still remembered and honoured..After getting passionate about films, I really wanted two things to happen..One was to see pappettan&other to become his student..I can say I have achieved both these in a way..I see you always through your films..And I always respect you as my mentor! This year on 23rd, I was in Thrissur..The place where pappettan shot Thoovanathumbikal..Maybe it happened due to his blessings!As I conclude my writing, just some words for you..'Miss you pappetta'!


1. Peruvazhiyambalam [Highway shelter] (adapted from his novel) (1979)
2. Oridaththoru phayalvaan [At some place, a wrestler] (1981)
3. Kallan Pavithran [Pavithran, the thief] (1981)
4. Novemberintaey nashtam [November's loss] (1982)
5. Koodevide [Whither the nest] (adapted from the Tamil novel Moongil pookkal by Vaasanthi) (1983)
6. Parannu parannu parannu [Soaring soaring soaring] (1984)
7. Thinkalaazhcha nalla divasam [Monday, an auspicious day] (1985)
8. Nammukku paarkkaan munthiri thoppukal [Vineyards for us to dwell] (adapted from the novel Nammukku graamangalil chennu raappaarkkaam [Let us go and dwell in the villages] by K. K. Sudhakaran) (1986)
9. Kariyilakkaattu pole [Like a zephyr of dry leaves] (1986)
10. Arappatta kettiya graamaththil [In the village which wears a warrior's belt] (1986)
11. Desatanakkili Karayarilla [The migratory bird never cries] (1986)
12. Nombaraththippoovu [The sorrowful flower] (1987)
13. Thoovaanathumbikal [Butterflies of the spraying rain] (adapted from his novel Udhakappola [A bubble in water]) (1987)
14. Aparan [The Impostor] (adapted from his short story) (1988)
15. Moonnam Pakkam [On the third day] (1988)
16. Season (1989)
17. Innalaey [Yesterday] (adapted from the Tamil novel Jananam [Birth] by Vaasanthi) (1990)
18. Njaan gandharvan [I, the celestial lover] (1991)


1. Prayaanam [Progression] (Bharathan) (1975)
2. Ithaa ividaey varaey [Look! Till here] (I. V. Sasi; adapted from his novel) (1977)
3. Rathinirvedham [Venereal disenchantment] (Bharathan; adapted from his novel) (1978)
4. Raappaadikaludaey gaadha [The song of the Nightingales] (K. G. George) (1978)
5. Nakshathrangalaey kaaval [The stars alone guard me] (K. S. Sethumadhavan; adapted from his novel) (1978)
6. Vaadakakkoru hrudhayam [A heart for rent] (I. V. Sasi; adapted from his novel) (1978)
7. Sathraththil oru raathri [A night in an inn] (N. Sankaran Nair) (1978)
8. Thakara [Weed] (Bharathan; adapted from his novel) (1979)
9. Lorry (Bharathan) (1980)
10. Kochchu kochchu thettukal [Minor mistakes] (Mohan) (1980)
11. Shalini entaey koottukaari [Shalini, my friend] (Mohan) (1980)
12. Idavela [Interval] (Mohan) (1982)
13. Eenam [Tune] (Bharathan) (1983)
14. Kaikeyi (I. V. Sasi) (1983)
15. Kaanaamarayaththu [Beyond the horizon] (I. V. Sasi) (1984)
16. Ozhivukaalam [Vacation] (Bharathan) (1985)
17. Karimpinpoovinakkaraey [Across the sugarcane flowers] (I. V. Sasi) (1985)
18. Ee thanuththa veluppaankaalaththu [In these cold wee hours] (Joshi) (1990)

Novels and short stories (excluding filmed ones)

1. Nakshathrangalle kaval [stars that guard]
2. Onnu randu moonnu [One, two, three]
3. Jalajwaala [The watery fire]
4. Nanmakaludaey sooryan [The sun of virtues]
5. Vikramakaaleeshwaram
6. Shavavaahanangalum thedi [In search of biers]
7. Manjukaalam notta kuthira [The horse which longed for winter]
8. Kaivariyudaey thekkaey attam [The southern end of the bannister]
9. Kazhinja vasanthakaalaththil [During last spring]
10. Prathimayum raajakumaariyum [The statue and the princess]
11. Prahaelika [Conundrum]
12. Pukakkannada [Smoke glasses]
13. Mattullavarudaey venal [The summer of others]
14. Syphilisintaey nadakkaavu [The path of syphilis]
15. Rithubhedhangaludaey paarithoshikam [The reward of vicissitudes]
16. Lola Milford enna American penkidaavu [Lola Milford, the American maiden]
17. Thanmathra [Molecule]


'Cloud 10'

Don't mistake by seeing the title..I want to share an incident which happened during my unforgettable 10th standard(2003).

Prologue: I loved a girl in 6th standard(don't want to name her here). I proposed her just because i made a bet with my friend, which i won so easily:). She studied with me in 6th and later on due to various reasons she moved to another school(one reason was that her mother,our teachers and almost the entire school came to know about our affair:)). Then i met her after two long years during science fair at Christ Nagar,Kowdiar. So it all started again. But we used to see or talk just once in an year i.e during science fair only. It wasn't a very serious affair, but i earned the status of 'committed' among my friends(that was a big deal in school):). Everything was going smoothly until something happened which really left a mark in my life..

I had a good friend in school..Ms V(let it be like that!). She wasn't so glamorous or sexy like the other 'beauties' of our class. But she had beautiful eyes and long hair like Kavya Madhavan(that time Kavya was our beauty Katrina Kaif,Priyanka Chopra..):). She studied with during 9th and 10th standard.. I never thought of loving her even in my wildest dreams. Another thing was that she knew about my affair with the other gal. So we were moving forward as very good friends until my friends started doubting us:(. My close friends and her friends started making rumours that we were in love. Especially i should thank my very best friend 'Nipin' for creating all the troubles. At a cursed moment, in front of our friends she shouted that she loves me. Everyone got happy as she vomited what they wanted, but for me the earth stood still for sometime. She soon came to apologise to me saying that she said it after losing all her patience and she never meant anything seriously. But I'm a boy and of course took advantage of that situation. She fell into a fix and it almost took two days for her to get out of that. Finally she said a 'yes' to my proposal with a charming smile. That was one of the moments I should have really celebrated in life, but then i got into a fix. I understood i was screwed up!:(. 'A friend in need is a friend in deed'..I went straight to Nipin to discuss my problem. After his deep calculations, he urged me to proceed with Ms V also keeping other gal by side. Y blame him alone?? I am the person to take final decision, i could've rejected her..But i proceeded with his plans:). Then it was romance time in class! I sat near to her, exchanged glances during classes, passed messages in paper bits..Wow that was too exciting! But as like every relation ours too had ego clashes,disputes etc. She was always possessive about me..Also too emotional and sensitive. I always had time to spend with my friends and other gals, but never for her! I always shouted at her for no reason, in fact i was avoiding her! One day she asked whether we can end this drama?? She was finding it difficult to adjust with me! In her terms, i was too 'bad'..Moreover a gal needs very much care and love from her boyfriend, which i never gave! That moment i felt completely empty, i was shattered in a way; Because i loved her! But i never let her off. From the next day i started becoming decent(for that i got nicely from my friends:P). Later on i started loving her very much..Romantic days were back again:). She was very happy that i changed for her. When we boys fall in love, we think she is all ours. I took that freedom too, a moment i will remember throughout my life. I don't know who all were there at class that time..We were talking for a long time, laughing..Her smile and gestures were tempting me like anything, so many times i felt like kissing her but others were there..Finally i couldn't control myself and 'i held her by her waist'..She stood there petrified! I don't know how much long i held her like that, but i enjoyed those moments like anything(i think she too):). And another moment was just before our x'mas examinations, when i held her hands for sometime:). Coming to the final part, this relation also got broke up:(. She had a lot of problems at home(which she never said to me). Saying this issues and some unjustifiable reason, she suggested a break up. I lost all my temper, tore and threw away the card which i wanted to give her.After that we haven't talked much, i saw her for the last time on March 23,2004. Her eyes were filled with tears that time..May be she was bidding me a final goodbye or she still loved me??

Epilogue: Ms V vanished like anything..No one knows where she is or what she is doing and all? I tried to find her many ways..but no use:(. And my relation with other gal ended soon, but often i see her. And here i am struggling with a fucking course called BTech..But now no love, no tensions..Happy:)

(P.S: I am not trying to be another Chetan Bhagat..Whatever i have written is what happened in my life, no exaggeration nothing)!